I'll be 22 this Sunday, and there are a few things missing in my life that I should've gotten years ago!
In case you didn't know, I'm asexual because I don't feel sexual attraction for anyone, but at the same time, I want to have love and sex so badly! I'm badly damaged since I don't have either. Even though asexuality is an orientation, but in my case, it's a disorder! I have thought about taking my life from all of this pain I've been going through for years! I'm losing my patience with all of this, both the lack of love and sex in my life, as well as my mother. She's emotionally abusive and doesn't support me at all. She needs to step aside, either she does it willingly or I force her aside. I believe it's her abuse that made me unable to feel love and compassion for anyone; it's a defense mechanism. If I ever get a partner, both of our parents must be banned from ever knowing about the relationship and from ever seeing or contacting us again, and I'll get a restraining order, if necessary, whatever gets them out of the way for good that doesn't affect me and my partner. If they have to be involved, they'll just be for financial gain, and still ignorant about the partner and the relationship. Once you're an independent adult and on your own, your family, unless they have some sort of use to you, is expendable and unimportant... Your parents told you that family was important because they wanted another way to control you since you're an adult and responsible for yourself. It's the same deal with you introducing your partner to your parents; it's just a new way for them to control you. When it comes to relationships, the parents have no business in it, especially if their child is an independent adult.
How am I gonna get the partner that can fulfill the needs I desperately need fulfilled since I'm asexual, aromantic, and the abuse my mother has put me through has left me unable to feel anything for anyone? If I don't kill myself from all this pain I'm going through, my virginity poisoning will!
What's wrong with me?